Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
