left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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