Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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