The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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