we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
