You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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