The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
