I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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