u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
