she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize