um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
