the condom got lost in my hair
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
