His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
