So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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