So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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