Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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