Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
