Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
