i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
