I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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