Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
