if i can run in heels then i can drive
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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