we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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