What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
