K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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