Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I bet he comes in French.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
