It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
