walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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