so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize