Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
