she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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