I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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