Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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