I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
