Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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