I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I need to calm my uterus...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
