I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize