Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
