apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
