You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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