We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
