do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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