so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Sorry about my life...
You've changed since you got that strap on
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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