this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
A+ Viking dick
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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