Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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