You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
