THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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