Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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