operation have a gay friend backfired
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
