I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
