For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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