He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
