I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
