Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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