haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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