What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
