i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
