Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Someone signed my nipple.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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