everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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