Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
