You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
