Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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