I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Quick, to the slutcave!
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
