just come out here and I will go home with you...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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