How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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