currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize