so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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