dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
