No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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