I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
