I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
