I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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